18th December 2009
The day of 18th December 2009 finally arrived.
I was fearful yet anticipating, because I know I studied and I just want to get this retest done and over with.
The night that led up to 18th's morning I remembered moving from one sleeping place to another in my house. From my brother's bed to my mum's bed and finally to the sofa in the living room.
Why? Because my bed was filled with maths worksheet and I was really too tired to tidy it and put the worksheets away. I was studying the night before you see.
On the 18th December I woke up at 5am to continue studying with a slight headache which I did not bother much of as I knew I went to bed with wet hair last night. So I thought of it as prolly just one of those "moment" headaches that would go away soon.
Anyway that morning's studying wasn't fruitful because yes I still went back to my lalaland after a few minutes of going through the formulaes and everything again. I was not able to resist the bed monster. I woke up at 8am to do last minute revision and soon headed to school with the headache which then grew worser.
I spent my time before entering the examination room revising and going through forumulaes again, I was not feeling confident at all then.
Then when Ms Lim said we could start doing our papers, I flip it over and started scribbling my answers and workings. Because the first few questions were pretty easy, I mean that's the way they usually set examination papers right?
But when I started reaching the last question or so on the first page, I felt an immense amount of heat running through my entire body. My headache has started pumping so hard in my head, yet it was still bearable. I touched my forehead and neck and I knew I was probably running a fever. My cough definitely made matters worse because my throat was feeling so sore then.
Then from then on, I struggled through the rest of the papers......and the rest is history already.
I don't think I'll be able to pass my Amaths, probably I will have to drop it already, I don't know if I agree that my condition is one reason that I did not do well but I know that's more or less just an excuse. As much as it could have affected my performance, I knew deep down in my heart there were quite alot of questions I didn't know to do, some I attempted till halfway then gave up, some I didn't attempt at all. Because I really didnt know how to do.
I finished my paper with 30 minutes left, and I evaluated my Amaths journey with God. Haha, I know it sounds kinda dramatic, but its true thats what I really did.
This whole year of taking Amaths had its ups and downs. There were times when I was estactic because I knew how to do certain questions, and yet there were also countless of times when I gave up all hope because I don't know how to do my homework etc.
To be honest, I was really angry with God, I questioned Him, why did he have to give me this fever especially when I'm doing my Amaths!!! Of all time, why now? I even got angry with Him when the train took so long to come because I was feeling super sick then already.
But now I realise, that you know God is not one whom gives us all this sickness, because in the first place God doesn't have all these sickness and illness to dish out. God is a good God!
Now, as much as I know how much everyone would be disappointed with me, all the usual saying of "cannot drop amaths eh! very important for your jc etctec!, I know I haven't disappointed one person and I live for the audience of one.
Now I rejoice! Because in all things I know my God works for the good of those who love Him.
God has a better plan for me.
I tried and gave my best, careless mistakes, blanks etc, what led up to the retest was more important in my mind then what happened in the retest.
& now all I can do is to pray again. (:
Lastly, I chanced upon this remark by Janice and Sonia, two very beautiful singers from Australia, they wrote a song titled "How can I not" go search go search!
"He(God) is like a parent watching his child do everything in his/her power to rebel against him. But despite the anger and wrath, he just sighs and smiles saying, "How can I not love you."Be blessed!
Anyway, I honestly wonder who would bother to read finish this entire chunk of words. Haha.
Singapore 2010 Frienship Camp
I'm back from the Singapore 2010 Friendship Camp, in case anyone is still wondering what this camp is about, this camp is actually a camp for the future olympians, most of the international athletes that take part in this camp are taking part in next year's YOG. However, because Singapore is hosting the YOG next year, we have an advantage in the sense that every school can send one athlete to take part, however out of our local athletes taking part, there are also some athletes who are not representing schools but representing Singapore. I have alot of photos, ALOT. But I really need to sleep now, because I still have church camp to attend at SSS tmr, and yes SSS again. Haha, counting the end of church camp, I would had been there 9 days. Haha, alright, photos up when I really have some time to spare.
Let's just say I've really gain alot from this camp, and I've made friends whom though I might not be able to see physically anymore, (ohh, or next year when they come to singapore to compete!), throughout this short span of 5 days, 4 nights with them, I've really enjoyed myself and I thank God for this opportunity to attend this camp.
I'm one really blessed kid. (:
It feels like my head is going to explode anytime.
God, please heal.
I'm expecting alot more from the Friendship Camp after I've been to OBS.
I hope it will not be a camp that disappoints me. But I also know that I need to realign my objectives and the kind of person that I'm going to enter the camp as, so that I would be able to benefit the most out of the camp.
Yeaps, I'll be away for the Friendship Camp from the 8th-12th. However I can only book out on the 13th morning, UNLESS a guardian is there to pick me up on 12th's night. Sighs, I dont know, I'm already 15 yet this is what was stated in the camp's form. :(
And there is also our church's Level-Up Camp from the 14-16th.
Both my camp venues are at Singapore Sports School, talk about being there for 9 days! haha.
I'm really hoping to hear alot more from God through the camp.
Anyway, I'm also having my A-maths retest on the 18th morning, I've started studying and I really wanna thank God for davidhoe and mr jericho for the constant reminders that I need to study for it and always asking me about it, so yupps a big thank you! (:
I won't disappoint God and myself! (:
Just a quick update! (:
It's a matter of perspective;
Hah, forget about my previous post, I was just feeling too emotional then.
Anyway, I was on the bus today, the scenery was beautiful BUT the sun was GLARING.
Man, it was terrible leh, and I had to "mi-mi yan" with a frown on my face. Because I never liked sun shinning so brightly into my face.
But then God told me "It's a matter of perspective."
Then I realised that if I can choose to smile and not "mi mi yan", I could had seen things alot more clearer and enjoyed the sunlight that was shinning on my face instead of frowning and being unhappy about it.
I knew the scenery was beautiful, but will the sun get in my way?
To put it in simpler words, how we choose to respond to situations will determine how we'll come out of it.
Oh man, I'm sorry my language is horrible today. Hope you got what I'm trying to bring across anyway.
I wont be involved anymore;
I don't want to get myself invovled in your entanglements anymore.
Everytime I took it upon myself to solve the problems you were facing together with you.
Because I know you are worth so much more than how you always value yourself.
I see the diamond in you that others don't see, or refuse to see.
But I'm really hurt by the fact that everytime any advices I gave, you never heed.
And at the end of the day, you let yourself wallow in self pity and get wounded again from time to time.
If only you know how to love youself, if only my dear friend.
But I guess I've reached a point whereby I'm uncertain whether this many years of friendship we've shared is going to last, or perhaps I don't want it to last anymore? I don't know.
Now, it's time for you to take control of your own life.
Perhaps I've overestimated myself, I now doubt.
But I still believe you will go far in life, but that actually all comes down to whether you are willing to believe in yourself.
I struggled with this post for an hour, before deciding to click the 'Publish' button.
I'll be victorious!
After settling my thoughts with God, I'm ready to blog now.
I've never felt so overwhelmed by this thing called "feelings" and "emotions" in my entire teenage life.
I've never struggled so much to overcome a seemingless stupid thing.
A thing which I use to just laugh and brush it off as "typical teenagers problems", but now when I faced it, I'm starting to figure out how it really feels to be overwhelm by it, how much it takes to even recover.
But yet it's through this period, that I thank God for being by my side, giving me the strength and assurance to carry on. For without Him, I would have fallen to my cirumstances.
I still struggle, life isn't a bed of roses, but with God in my life, it's going to be a breeze going through all these, because ultimately you know you are in The Lord Of Lord, The Kings Of Kings protection.
I'm anticipating the day when you finally call all your children back home, but not now Lord, because I know I haven't fufill my purpose on Earth.
Some photos that remind me why I'm still serving:
Our very first camp as a family.
The day we toast and jumped for the completion of 2 schools.
The FU meeting.
The main team for the ?event. I forgot what was our event's name!
And the woodlands babes!(:
My old old cg! (:
& Lastly, this photo which all of us placed one candle to take a photo in June camp, I still remember it. That we'll be a light to the world.
Wow, God you are truly amazing. I thank you for your providence. Only You understand me best.
I'll walk out victoriously!
